“I knew this would happen”
“Things like these, never happen to me”
“I could never have things like that”
“Just as I expected, can’t catch a break”
I catch myself saying the above lines quite often. It is usually linked to something that I want, but clearly, I can not attain. Or a lucky strike someone had, but of course, such goodies are never granted to me. Or, my personal favorite, the bad thing that is lingering there, just waiting to happen. And truth be told, it usually does happen. I smile and say “yep, I knew it”. This last one is particularly effective in bad things happening in my relationships.
As we start to understand how our minds and thoughts affect our lives, thought patterns such as the ones above become apparent. One day, during meditation, my thoughts drifted slowly to understanding what was holding my life, why I was not feeling as happy as I would like – what’s the thing that is holding me down? The answer, at the time, came quickly and crystal clear:
“How can you expect to be happy, if you are always thinking, searching and expecting the worst to happen?”
Let’s start this by stating that no one wants to suffer. At first thought, this statement rings true to each and every one of us. I believe that no one wants to suffer. But such statement leads us to ask one question:
“If no one wants to suffer, then what are we doing to avoid suffering?”
This question will usually make anyone sit tight and reflect. What are the steps, decisions and milestones we have set for ourselves, to live a life with less suffering in the future? What are you doing NOW, that will lessen the amount of suffering you will have to endure tomorrow? Well, if you are suffering now, then you must change something now, so to avoid the same fate tomorrow. Well, then what are your steps? What have you done?
To some, this is an easy question. They will instantly say “I used to do a lot of bad things, none of which I do today” and so they rightly so, will enjoy future days with less suffering.
On the other hand, to some of us, the answer may not come easily. “I’m not sure what I’m doing different today that I wasn’t doing yesterday”. To these people, they are doomed to finding the same things over and over again.
If you do not change today, then tomorrow will be the same as yesterday.
To bring change into one’s life is more difficult than it seems. It requires a core change in our thoughts, beliefs and practices. I’m not talking about religion, or religiosity. I am talking about changing how we perceive the world that impacts us.
How do you bring about change?
It is a constant training process. Yes, training. The mind, just like anything else, needs practice in order to think “right”. It’s too easy to give in to our own fears and doom what we have to end the same way that it has always ended. It is COMFORTABLE TO FAIL. It is comfortable to complain, to sit there in inaction and claim to be a victim of the cruelty in this world. “Oh, look at my poor self, how could she/he have done this to me?” – I’ve said that so many times that I’m about to frame it.
But I’d be lying if I wasn’t already expecting it. Deep down, I had always feared it to happen. I always KNEW this would happen. And I found myself looking for hints that this was already happening – many times, when it just simply wasn’t happening. Do you do that too?
To fear is to acknowledge.
This doesn’t mean that you’re a bad person. That you are a cry baby (well, a bit J ) – my point is, this does not mean you are weak. Strength has nothing to do with how we feel – and everything to do with how we carry ourselves to the finish line. In my book, a better life is a direct result of correct mindset.
Step 1: Monitor It
Know what you are thinking at all times. It is your mind. You control it. No reason to have it running around without you knowing about it. Sometimes we think things without noticing – usually bad things that trigger our fears and insecurity. These are the cancer cells in our spirit. Know what you are thinking. Take notice of destructive patterns that only bring you insecurity.
Step 2: Own It
Once you’ve monitored your mind for a period of time, you will know exactly what kind of person you are. This may surprise you. You may see yourself as a much more negative person than you have originally thought to be. This is normal. The only reason we’re in this situation TODAY, is because we were not aware how destructive our thought patterns were. Now it is the time to own up to it. To say to yourself, YES THIS IS WHO I AM. This “blob” of fears and insecurity, who’s always afraid of things and always looking for things to go wrong, IS ME. Accept it. We’re no better than anyone else, so why should we always try to be Mr. Perfect? Are you perfect? Do you know anyone who is? Why do you judge yourself to be higher than others? You don’t? If so, you must have a fears and things that you are not proud of. This is to be humble. To understand that you are not perfect, and live with it without destroying yourself. Give yourself a break and allow you to be… imperfect.
Step 3: Change It
Once you’ve come to terms with who you are (Step 2), and the relationship of how your thought patterns (step 1) ultimately brought you to this state in the first place, you are empowered to start changing your life. Stop waiting just so you can react to it – be a changing agent! Take the initiative and go change your life. Make the tough decisions, don’t let life make them for you. Stop being a victim and start being the person who took the action. If you were wrong, apologize and move on. That’s all we can do. Apologize, and move on. That is all that is expected of us. Change today, so that tomorrow may be better for you. Change your light, so it becomes brighter. Let everyone else worry about their own lives. It’s their lives. They are here, to live their lives. You are here, to live YOUR life. It’s as simple as that.
Change your life.
Change your future.
Close the past.
Rinse and repeat 
