Don’t Meditate To Run Away

I have to admit, I’m probably one of the worst offenders of this rule. Let me explain:

When we find ourselves struggling in life, we sometimes wish that we were in some faraway place, away from all the stress and from everything and everyone who makes us feel unworthy or just plain sad. We then turn that calm music on, relax, and we start to meditate, to get back in touch with ourselves and to get back to that happy state. Basically, we go to our happy place.

And it works. We feel better, we feel calmer and sometimes more energized, which of course, is a good thing and worlds better than the easy solution: to use catharsis.

What I’ve found out though, is that meditation should not be seen as a way out, but really, as a way in. We shouldn’t be running away from our lives and dedicating ourselves to meditation, like in a movie – we should be making meditation a part of our lives, utilize it as a tool to, if anything, be even more present in our lives, to make it more intense and full of meaning.

The cycle takes place over and over again. We start to struggle in life until we hit rock bottom. Then, in an introspective period which happens naturally, we start to “find the way” by meditation and other practices. We tune out the world which is causing so much pain and start focusing in the interior – and it is a good practice! We learn a lot from our experience and we become a better individual after this experience – however, as the situation improves, we slowly let go of the very practices that brought us to the new “high”. Well, the outcome is all too familiar: as we stop the practice, we start to move backwards in our evolution – every day thought, mixed with the many illusions from our Samsara experience, will undoubtedly start to make its way into our very core, eventually putting us back to the rock bottom.

I’ve had this happen to me more times than I care to admit. I believe I’m in the “high” period now, when I’ve yet again, stopped meditating and cultivating in a daily manner. The positives that came out from my daily cultivation for a period of 3 months are immeasurable. Reality, as it was, had changed. Shifted 180 degrees in ways that I had previously though to be impossible. Well, when reality changes to the best, we no longer feel afraid, or the need to “run away” and tune out the exterior by tuning in the interior. What will the result of this be? We all know too well – one day, my reality will shift yet again, however, in a negative manner.

Now why does that happen? Why do we often know about the positive results that arise from constant and diligent cultivation, yet we fail to keep doing so when the very results that we were seeking start to appear? If anything, shouldn’t we be even more  passionate about cultivation once we start to see positive results?

The answer is simple. We stop, because we no longer need to run and hide. We stop, because the reason we had started in the first place, was not exclusively to the improvement of our own spiritual condition.  It was triggered by an introspective period in our lives, which took place in response to us hitting the “rock bottom”. So you see, if we use meditation as a way to “escape” reality, we will then always let it go once we are in our new “high”. The process will repeat and the same results will take place.

So I suggest a new exercise. An exercise which doesn’t see meditation as something that can only be done in isolation. In fact, that very view, makes the practice to be about staying away from every day life, and I believe it to be a practice that does not lead us to our ultimate goal: Enlightenment. The exercise is as follows:

If you are in your “high” period:

You know that you are in your “high” period when things aren’t bad at all, and you feel that you are in control of your life and all is going according to “plan”. Start sitting quietly while engaged in your daily routine, and start observing your surroundings, without putting thought into it. Your task, is to observe and be present. Meditation in a sense, is basically this: you are observing the interior, while being present in the exterior. However, now let’s add a little twist to it – you want to make sure that you are PRESENT in the moment. That you are aware of your surroundings and, because you are sitting still and observing, you are that much more aware of the present. Focusing on the present will allow you to start meditating without running away. I believe this to be the best time to actually start practicing a meditation routine which will lead you to a more profound and meaningful practice.

If you are in your “rock bottom” period:

You know that you are in your “rock bottom” period when you are unhappy about your life and you feel as if you are no longer in control of it. You feel that a higher power needs to guide you through the many hurdles in your life and that you are only an insignificant being in your life. This is the best time to understand how great you really are. Start by sitting quietly and stop running away from your feelings. Allow them to reach your heart, while calmly observing your mind and heart reacting to the many conflicting emotions. You also want to be focused on the present – don’t do practices that take your mind to another far away place, these should be avoided if possible. When the urge comes to run away through meditation, understand that you want to ultimately become a better person permanently, and not a “quick fix” to the situation. The only way this will happen is if you remain in the present, aware of all that is happening and allowing yourself to remain calm and detached.

For both situations, basic meditation techniques are preferred. Focus on your breathing, on your posture, and keep a calm observation of your surroundings and your condition. Don’t run away, don’t tune it out, don’t visualize a calm and peaceful meadow, or try to create too much mental pressure on having meaningful experiences. Done at the wrong time, all these good things could become a barrier preventing you from attaining real satisfaction.

So nothing is good all the time, even meditation. We must always be mindful of the techniques that we are utilizing and their long term effects. Meditation is not about 15 minutes of pure joy and positive feelings. Meditation is about discipline and how we maintain ourselves present in our lives, without tuning it out. We use meditation to better understand ourselves by observing our interactions with the world, not to run away from our world. If anything, when we meditate, we are much more aware of the present.

Don’t meditate about the past, future or being in isolation. Meditate about being together with the world, of being present in your life, at that moment. That way, we will all be less likely to let it go when the good tides come. That way, we will also avoid the bad tides from coming.

I hope this can be of help to anyone who is struggling with keeping meditation a frequent event in their daily lives. I also hope that I can maintain it in my daily life. Again, I have never considered myself to be an exceptional being in anything. I am only someone who is learning how to improve himself. Like you, I just want to learn and share my experiences.

May we all find the way. Our way. To our ultimate fulfillment.

Everyday Life Hindering Meditation

While meditating I’ve noticed that many things that we do automatically throughout the day are actually harmful to our ability to focus and concentrate. I shall point them out here:

1. Television – I’ve noticed that the more TV I watch on the day, the harder it becomes to have a good meditation. Just like the program I’ve watched, changing cameras and shots many times a minute, my mind seems to follow the same pattern. Disconnected thoughts merge together and flip just as fast as the cameras in the TV program. For this reason, if you are having trouble meditating and focusing, if you watch more than 1 hour of TV a day, this may be a contributing factor. Of course it depends heavily on the type of program you watch. I usually watch sitcoms or fast paced movies. If you are constantly watching programs that show long, uncut, scenes of nature with a very soothing melody, you probably don’t need to worry about it!
2. Music – I don’t believe that music by itself is particularly harmful. Some types of music are very good for getting us in that calm and serene mood. But throughout the day, if you do listen to music, it’s usually while you’re doing something else. Because you are forcing your brain to multitask (sing or hum along while working, for example) it gets used to receiving multiple type of inputs at the same time, so it gets used to being “busy”. Ask a great multitasker to only do one thing at a time for 10 minutes and you will see just how difficult it becomes.
3. Snacking – this actually came as a surprise to me and it seems like the behavior is similar for those who fidget a lot while doing something else. It comes from a fixation on the hypnotic effect of repetition. Your brain seems to “shut down” when doing a repetitive task which offers some degree of comfort (which is why we do it in the first place) when we get “unplugged”. The problem is when it is time to stop movement, just like we do in meditation. If you are used to snack all the time, to fidget while waiting or remaining still for a couple of minutes, then you must avoid anything that seems like repetitive motions. So tapping with your fingers, snacking, making noise with your mouth or lips, all would fall in this category.
4. Web Surfing – with the advent of the Internet, it is very easy to get a lot of information about any subject at once. While it’s a great learning tool, it is a double edged knife that we need to be wary of. Information is good, but the internet tends to “flood” us with information. We get used to instant search and getting our questions answered the moment we start typing them in – again, very good for fact finding, but it does terrible damage to keeping our minds still and serene. I can’t really put my finger on it yet, but I believe it is linked to the feeling of instant gratification – anything that you want in the Internet is only a click away. We are used to a speed of information that can hinder in our ability to focus our mind when we need to. Just like with ordinary websites, while we are calmly reading a column, we also see advertisements popping up and flashing – the same with our mind when we are trying to keep it still – other thoughts and sounds will suddenly “pop up” into our mind.

Being an IT professional, I understand and appreciate the many good things that our modern society, through mass production or the Internet, provides to us at a reasonable financial cost. The things I’ve mentioned today in this post are the very things that I do on a constant basis, that I am realizing now just how harmful they have been to my own cultivation. So I thought I’d write them down here, so that for those who are in a similar path and are also struggling with being able to still your minds while practicing meditation, they can find some additional tools to help them with this practice.

Too much of anything can be harmful. I certainly enjoy listening to music while I work, snacking or surfing the Internet, but I need to make a conscious effort to recognize the behaviors that are hindering my capacity to focus. Right now there is no regulation to control the amount of information that is presented to us – and unregulated behavior usually tends to uncontrolled flow.

We need to understand that while they don’t have a physical effect on us, that doesn’t mean they are harmless. They are still external factors that are affecting our minds in a constant basis – and because of that, they should also be controlled in a conscious fashion.

So if you are like me, who finds it hard to focus and keep your minds serene and still while meditating, let’s start looking at the things and actions that affect us in our daily lives, keeping in mind that anything that interacts with us, will affect us in some degree or fashion.

Interpersonal Relationships 02 – Acceptance

This is post 2 from the series “Interpersonal Relationships”. You can read the previous post 1 by clicking here.

The first post established the basic in any relationship – finding the common ground, entering in a sense of agreement and thus building a relationship. As the relationship grows, we start to understand better each other’s lives, which will undeniably connect us to shortcomings, frustration and disappointments. This happens in any relationship and for a good cause: we are all humans and as such, we are imperfect. We make mistakes – often without noticing them in the first place.

So this second topic discusses this very point – when the person you trust the most, fall short from your expectations. This will happen in any relationship, with anyone, at any point and with an unlimited number of occurrences. So we need to learn how we can cope with this the best way possible in order to strengthen the relationship instead of straining it.

The basic point of view, once again, starts from yourself. The person we choose to build a relatioship with, because of this sense of agreement and common ground, is therefore very similar to you, think of it as a reflection of yourself. Now, we are not always known for understanding where our own shortcomings are, which is why it’s useful to base our own identity as something that is tied to the environemnt and friends we choose to surround us.

Ask yourself: “am I perfect?”, to which the answer will undeniably be “no”. So, you’ve made some mistakes in your life as well. Most of the times, unintentionally and most of the times, without thinking it through and definitely not knowing that it’d hurt someone who’s important in your life. So that is the first step – by understanding and acknowledging that we are just as prone to make a mistake as anyone, we realize that the person we are in a relationship with also makes mistakes. You may  not accept the mistake, nor will knowing that the person is not perfect make you forgive him/her any faster, but it is a good starting point.

“We must realize that just as we make mistakes, the other person will also make mistakes. It is a fact.”

Now we are down to the many categories of a mistake. Some, are small in nature, but are misinterpreted and create a much bigger negative experience. Some, are not small in nature but subtle – these do not carry out a strong, negative experience at first, but contribute to the eventual collapse of the relationship. Some, are what’s called “acceptable mistakes” which happens on an almost day-t0-day basis, to which we pay little attention to since their negative experience is very limited and easily understandable.

Note how I keep writing “negative experience”. This is really what a mistake is, in essence: an action, which triggers a negative experience. We choose, based on our own experience, whether this negative feeling will be small, medium, or big. Whether or not this is an excusable or unexcusable mistake. So really, we are the ones who ultimately get to decide whether to make a big deal of it or not. This, I’m assuming everyone already knew, even if explained through different words.

But just as anyone, includingyourself, is prone to make mistakes, so do they have the ability to learn from their mistakes and ultimately become a better person. The question is not on whether or not the experience will teach something to both of you. The question lies in your ability to recognize the lesson and apply it to your daily life in order to nuture this relationship. The decision must be mutual – all parties in the relationship must agree that they need to grow from this negative experience, no matter who initiated it.

It takes one person to commit the mistake and initiate the negative experience.
It takes another person to acknowledge the negative experience and qualify it based on his/her own experiences.

So the first step is to understand that everyone will make mistakes at some point of the relationship. It is not something to fear – it is something to understand and accept as a fact. So we must allow our partner to be imperfect.

The second step is enter a mutual agreement that both of you understand the first step, and realize the importance of learning from this negative experience. Just as one is guilty of starting it, the second one is also guilty of qualifying it based on his/her own set of experiences. So one initiates, the other qualifies it and creates the experience.

Both first and second steps are about acceptance. Accepting each other, the good, the bad, and the worse. Accepting the fact that just like yourself, the other person is also imperfect and will make mistakes. Acceptance at this point, represents your willingness to allow the person to be genuine and commit mistakes.

One common misconception is that by allowing the person to make mistakes, then mistakes will happen all the time. That is not always the case, and seldom is the case if you really know the person well. We start from the assumption that neither of you want to knowingly hurt each other - if that were true,  you’d be in an abusive relationship which you have to end as soon as possible. But a good relationship relies on this very assumption in order to survive. Once the person feels accepted, that his/her mistakes are not seen as the ultimate proof of the demise of a relationship, that person then is free to learn and experience things in the relationship which will take it to the next level. In order words, both of you feel accepted, you will no longer feel the need to be perfect. You allow each other some room to grow, and some room to breathe.

Once that is achieved, then the mistakes are seen as things to work on, which will ultimately strengthen the relationship, rather than something that is negative, degrating and punishable.

“I know you, I know myself, and I know that none is perfect. I allow you to be imperfect, I allow myself to be imperfect. I understand that through imperfections, we will achieve perfection.”

Interpersonal Relationships 01 – Understanding

Humans are social beings – which means that everyone has the need to feel included in a society where communication of any sort takes place.  Whatever this society constitues of, whether it’s based on the Internet, your family and closest friends, your neighborhood, your school, your work, or any combination of them, it is a society formed by people with different lives, and we need to be able to relate to them in some manner or fashion.

This new topic, Interpersonal Relationships, aims to discuss the ways we have to understand each other and points that will enable us to live with this variety of different people in a harmonious way. It takes work, discipline and patience – but the fruits are plenty and at the end, you become more included in the society you choose to be a part of.

Understanding

When we can’t relate to someone it is so because we don’t understand their actions. Maybe you dislike the way that person talks to someone else. Maybe you dislike the clothes that person decides to use. Whatever it is, this feeling of uneasiness and the inability to accept this person comes from your lack of understanding.

“The person does not fail to relate to you. You fail to understand the person.”

One thought is to only choose to relate well to those who have many things which are common to you. Whoever is too different or ”too wrong” you choose to ignore, reject or simply not relate to in any level. If you think that way, it is not wrong. It is however, limiting. We are here as students of life, and lessons will come inside many different packages. We can always learn from another person, no matter what the person looks like or how we judge this person to be.

“Finding a common ground eliminates differences and enables a good relationship”

It is all about finding things that you have in common with another person. This is as true when you were a kid, trying to make new friends in the first day of class, all the way to adulthood. The key is common ground. If you meet someone who thinks mostly the same way, or in a compatible way, than you then it’s easy to relate. Your opinions match and most likely your dislikes also match. There is therefore a sense of agreement between you two. A friendship can easily be constructed.

This notion can be taken to any relationship, even if between enemies. What is the common ground that all of share, no matter how old we become, regardless of social class, skin tone, religion, culture, creed, belief? What do I have in common with you, my dear reader? Well, that’s too easy:

“We are both human. Both of us want to be happy in our lives. Both of us have desires, wants, needs and aspirations. We have dreams. We have felt the same feelings of sadness, sorry, happiness, longing, lack, fulfillment… at some point of our lives. We have people who love us. We have people whom we love. We have made mistakes in our lives.”

You say that you have nothing in common with that irritating person from your office. With that bossy manager. With that creepy coworker. Yet, you have so much in common! Just by being another human being, we have so much in common. We share the same ancestry, we share the same planet. We actually have a lot in common.

This may sound far-fetched, but I hope you see by now how many common things we can find with anyone, at any time. And this is the first topic of Interpersonal Relationships – the ability to understand each other, coming from a common ground.

You may not agree with my actions. You may not agree with my words. But just as you are entitled to pursue your happiness in the best way that you can manage, so do I have the same right, to do the same thing, as you are doing. I have the right to try to be happy, in the best way that I can.

“Everyone is just tryingto be happy. And how they do it, will be different from person to person.”

You don’t have to agree with me to become my friend. It is my right to be an individual. I will live my life by following the paths that I choose. You will also live your life, by following the paths that you choose. We may not walk on the same lane, but we are all walking in the same road. So now don’t look at me as someone so different than you – I am not. At the same time, don’t consider yourself to be so different from others – you are not. You are not better, nor worse, than anyone else. The rethoric is also true – no one is better nor worse than you, no matter what decisions they have made in their lives.

When you judge, you automatically put up a barrier between you and the person. There’s no need for fear, for rejection. When we see the other person as a fellow human being, not so different than you or me, that is when true acceptance can take place, and then, you see that you’re really not that different.

By understanding the common ground – the things that make each one of us human – we stop judging other people. Your ways may work for you, but they may not always work for me. I understand your individuality – that you are entitled to search your happiness by any means you find necessary.I also, search for happiness by following any means I trust to be necessary, but I know that my ways may not be your ways, and that’s OK. We can still be friends.

Because now I see that you are the same as me. You want the same things that I want. You are an individual, who will not think like me. Your past mistakes are yours only to judge. We are both here today, trying our best, to be happy.

That is our common ground. That is the one thing that we both share.

And that is the source of our understanding. That is, the source of our agreement.

Living Life Without Expectations

Ok, the title seems a lot more depressive than it really ought to be. By now, we probably think in the same way about how to live life:

1. Find a nice girl/boy
2. Marry this nice girl/boy
3. Have kids with this nice girl/boy
4. These kids, will have children of their own, with their respective nice girl/boy
5. You live your life with your chosen mate, who was your nice girl/boy

You look around in the movies, and ALL of them touch on some, or all, of these points. It’s always about family. And family, is always about finding that nice person.

Except that nowadays the movies changed a bit – instead of showing nice girlfriends and nice boyfriends who turn to become nice wives and nice husbands, we are inundated with plots revolving around people being unfaithful to each other, marrying for money or rights, fighting and many other types of violence.

And you’re there, sitting on your couch, ever convinced that well, “this is just how REAL life is”. The good and correct became fairy tale while the bad and corrupt became the real life. You watch those movies about “real life”, and can instantly either (1) identify with it based on some experience you’ve had or (2) know someone who has gone through those hardships. So in a sense, no matter how cruel the relationship becomes, most of us can identify with it in some level or another.

And we wonder why our relationships don’t work?

We are who we believe to be. We bring what we seek, consciously or unconsciously. Whatever it is that you are looking for, you will find it. Now, what is it that you are looking for? Have you stopped to think about this for a second? Are you REALLY looking for happiness, or are you constantly on the lookout for unhappiness?

When you are on the lookout for something, you are not preventing it from happening. You re searching your horizon for it.

Now there’s nothing unatural about any of this. Feelings of jealousy, possession, anger, frustration, lust – are all completely natural feelings, and it’s normal for anyone to feel any combination of these feelings. We are human. You, my dear reader, are human as well, and entitled to feel all of the above mentioned feelings. And you have, and you will.

I constantly think about this. At first, it all seems perfect. You are in perfect harmony with your loved one. He/she does things that make you happy, without you asking for it, so it all comes as a surprise. It comes as a surprise, because you were not expecting it.

Oh, but does it feel good. The explosion within your chest, of a good surprise, the intensity of the feelings that this event has brought to you – you will probably never forget it. So what now? What happens? Well, like any animal out there, you want pleasure and you want to avoid pain. It’s really that simple. So your brain tries to seek after that very thing, that made you so happy. And that person, hopefully, is happy to oblige – he/she will keep doing the things that you love because they make you feel good – and if you’re feeling good, they are feeling good as well.

That is, until the bubble bursts.

One day, the person doesn’t do it anymore. You find it odd.
The second day, that person still did not do it. You find it annoying.
The third day, you start thinking that something is wrong.

Now, what’s really bad about this? Nothing! There’s nothing wrong with it. Except that you now are stuck in a situation that you are unhappy, because now you are expecting that person to that same thing he/she always did, and made you happy.

With expectation, comes frustration.
With expectation, comes the insatiable feeling of want.
With expectation, comes the feeling of not being good enough.
With expectation, comes delusion.
With expectation, comes suffering.

Now I’m not saying things will never turn out the way you want them to be. But it’s really a careful combination of waiting expectantly, and fearing it to be lost forever. We usually tend to give much more attention and focus on the things that we do not want, instead of focusing on things that we do want.  Which is why expectation can become an open door for a world of suffering.

We should all want to be happy from the deepest parts of our soul – but we should not expect anything from anyone

You see, it’s all about perspective. If I want to win, I’m not going to put myself in a position where I would lose. That just wouldn’t make sense, right? It’s like racing a friend, and wanting to win, but allowing your friend to start the race 40 seconds earlier. You may still win, but now you’ve just put yourself in a position where you could lose. So what do you really do? You make sure you are in good condition to race. You make sure you have all the instruments/materials you need to race well. You plan it well. You practice it, only thinking about winning. You improve, you grow, you become better.

Living life is the same exact thing. We should live our lives by putting ourselves in positions where we couldn’t lose. When you start having expectations, you automatically open the door for your expectations to not be met. So there’s that chance of facing unhappiness! So you now think “wait, I want to be happy, but every so often, I do things that open the door for me to be unhappy.” and something rings true in your heart. Ah… there it is. The realization that even though people from the outside made you unhappy, you were the person who opened many doors that could lead you to this place.

I’m not a gambler – mostly because I never seem to win in gambles. So some call it bad luck. Well, be as it may, if I have bad luck in gambles, I am going to make sure that the possibility of me losing are slim to none, correct? So I put myself in a position where it’s easy for me to win. The same way works in our lives.

Expectation is good – it is like gasoline feeding a fire. But because we are so prone of putting that fire in the wrong place of our lives, so many people tell us to not expect anything, see? But when you put your mind in the correct place, that happiness really comes from within, and not from the acceptance of anyone else, not even your husband/wife, you can start expecting again. Because your expactation will change. It will become:

I want to be happy. And I expect to be happy.

Nowhere in the above sentence, is expectation based on actions taken from anyone else – other than yourself.

So you are really gambling against yourself.

Sometimes you win… and sometimes you win.

Owning Up To Our Fears – Letting It Go – Changing

“I knew this would happen”
“Things like these, never happen to me”
“I could never have things like that”
“Just as I expected, can’t catch a break”

I catch myself saying the above lines quite often. It is usually linked to something that I want, but clearly, I can not attain. Or a lucky strike someone had, but of course, such goodies are never granted to me. Or, my personal favorite, the bad thing that is lingering there, just waiting to happen. And truth be told, it usually does happen. I smile and say “yep, I knew it”. This last one is particularly effective in bad things happening in my relationships.

As we start to understand how our minds and thoughts affect our lives, thought patterns such as the ones above become apparent. One day, during meditation, my thoughts drifted slowly to understanding what was holding my life, why I was not feeling as happy as I would like – what’s the thing that is holding me down? The answer, at the time, came quickly and crystal clear:

“How can you expect to be happy, if you are always thinking, searching and expecting the worst to happen?”

Let’s start this by stating that no one wants to suffer. At first thought, this statement rings true to each and every one of us. I believe that no one wants to suffer. But such statement leads us to ask one question:

“If no one wants to suffer, then what are we doing to avoid suffering?”

This question will usually make anyone sit tight and reflect. What are the steps, decisions and milestones we have set for ourselves, to live a life with less suffering in the future? What are you doing NOW, that will lessen the amount of suffering you will have to endure tomorrow? Well, if you are suffering now, then you must change something now, so to avoid the same fate tomorrow. Well, then what are your steps? What have you done?

To some, this is an easy question. They will instantly say “I used to do a lot of bad things, none of which I do today” and so they rightly so, will enjoy future days with less suffering.

On the other hand, to some of us, the answer may not come easily. “I’m not sure what I’m doing different today that I wasn’t doing yesterday”. To these people, they are doomed to finding the same things over and over again.

If you do not change today, then tomorrow will be the same as yesterday.

To bring change into one’s life is more difficult than it seems. It requires a core change in our thoughts, beliefs and practices. I’m not talking about religion, or religiosity. I am talking about changing how we perceive the world that impacts us.

How do you bring about change?

It is a constant training process. Yes, training. The mind, just like anything else, needs practice in order to think “right”. It’s too easy to give in to our own fears and doom what we have to end the same way that it has always ended. It is COMFORTABLE TO FAIL. It is comfortable to complain, to sit there in inaction and claim to be a victim of the cruelty in this world. “Oh, look at my poor self, how could she/he have done this to me?” – I’ve said that so many times that I’m about to frame it.

But I’d be lying if I wasn’t already expecting it. Deep down, I had always feared it to happen. I always KNEW this would happen. And I found myself looking for hints that this was already happening – many times, when it just simply wasn’t happening. Do you do that too?

To fear is to acknowledge.

This doesn’t mean that you’re a bad person. That you are a cry baby (well, a bit J ) – my point is, this does not mean you are weak. Strength has nothing to do with how we feel – and everything to do with how we carry ourselves to the finish line. In my book, a better life is a direct result of correct mindset.

Step 1: Monitor It
Know what you are thinking at all times. It is your mind. You control it. No reason to have it running around without you knowing about it. Sometimes we think things without noticing – usually bad things that trigger our fears and insecurity. These are the cancer cells in our spirit. Know what you are thinking. Take notice of destructive patterns that only bring you insecurity.

Step 2: Own It
Once you’ve monitored your mind for a period of time, you will know exactly what kind of person you are. This may surprise you. You may see yourself as a much more negative person than you have originally thought to be. This is normal. The only reason we’re in this situation TODAY, is because we were not aware how destructive our thought patterns were. Now it is the time to own up to it. To say to yourself, YES THIS IS WHO I AM. This “blob” of fears and insecurity, who’s always afraid of things and always looking for things to go wrong, IS ME. Accept it. We’re no better than anyone else, so why should we always try to be Mr. Perfect? Are you perfect? Do you know anyone who is? Why do you judge yourself to be higher than others? You don’t? If so, you must have a fears and things that you are not proud of. This is to be humble. To understand that you are not perfect, and live with it without destroying yourself. Give yourself a break and allow you to be… imperfect.

Step 3: Change It
Once you’ve come to terms with who you are (Step 2), and the relationship of how your thought patterns (step 1) ultimately brought you to this state in the first place, you are empowered to start changing your life. Stop waiting just so you can react to it – be a changing agent! Take the initiative and go change your life. Make the tough decisions, don’t let life make them for you. Stop being a victim and start being the person who took the action. If you were wrong, apologize and move on. That’s all we can do. Apologize, and move on. That is all that is expected of us. Change today, so that tomorrow may be better for you. Change your light, so it becomes brighter. Let everyone else worry about their own lives. It’s their lives. They are here, to live their lives. You are here, to live YOUR life. It’s as simple as that.

Change your life.

Change your future.

Close the past.

Rinse and repeat

Resisting Our Own Power

As I live on and continue to watch human interactions outside as well as from my own circle of friends, I start to realize a disturbing fact which seems to be common, to some degree, in all of us. How we find ourselves unworthy of the best things life has to offer. Have you ever heard something going on the lines of “this is too good to be true” or “I knew this wouldn’t last” or “nope, those things don’t really happen to people like me” and so on? Those lines, which are often mistaken as being modest and humble, are actually reflections of our own resistance to our power.

Let me open it up by saying this: We are worthy. We deserve to be happy. Every single one of us.

Then why are we usually unhappy? Why can’t we seem to be 100% happy?

I believe that it comes from our own issues and determining what happiness is and what isn’t. We grew up believing that real happiness was the picture perfect American Dream. A nice house, with a great family and a dog or cat, or both. Oh, and a white picked fence and a good, stable job where you feel valued. So, what is the common ground in this picture? Can you see it?

It all comes down to us feeling valued by someone else. You see, we are stuck in this mentality that our self worth is dependent on the opinion other people have of us. If we are often praised by other people and feel that we’re a valued member of society, our own concept of self worthiness shoots up to the ceiling. We are now sleeping on the bed of roses and everything is perfect. We are recognized, pampered, and we have people telling us that we did a great job.  And we want this to continue, because it makes us feel good! So we keep doing what other people tell us that we should do. What a “good and moral citizen should do”. Their expectations are all piling up on our shoulders and we do it, we do all of it, because we want to be happy, because we can do it all and most importantly, because we want to be accepted.

I’m not saying that we should all go out and do whatever we want and give the good old finger to society. The values often carried as morally acceptable values are good things. The problem is, you see, you forgot something important along the way. Along the many things that we were supposed to be and supposed to do, we forgot… ourselves.

And that is what I call “Resising Our Own Power”. It’s when we think “what would other people think if I did this?” instead of “do I want (or like) to do this?”. When we start living our lives based on how our actions would be accepted by the people we judge to be important in our lives, we are putting ourselves second.

We were taught, since the beginning, that sacrifice is a good thing. That if you love, you sacrifice EVERYTHING you have for that person. You give your life, your income, your dreams, you give it ALL up, for that person. I’m sure it makes great movies, but take a look around you. How many people complain about their parents never really being happy with them? You’re probably nodding your head right now. “Oh, my mom is never happy with me, no matter what I do”. Do you know why that happens? I’ll use my own mom for this example (sorry mom!):

My mother sacrificed everything she had for me. In order to give me a good education. She left Taiwan and started her life with my Dad 30 years ago. When I was 17, our situation in Brazil was so bad that our only choice was to leave the country and start anew. Luckily, we had started an immigration request back in 1989 to the US. We tried to reopen the case, and we got it. So up we go, everyone, to the US. Mom later told me that she did it because she wanted me to have a great education and a great future. All for me (and my brother). Sacrifice, sacrifice, sacrifice.

But now nothing I do seems to please her in the sense of “oh my, I did all this for you, and this is how you repay me?” when her expectations do not meet what I can provide, a disconnect takes place. Just pay attention: whoever comes complaining that his/her parents are never happy with them, I can guarantee you that this is one of the problems with it. They sacrificed themselves for us. They sacrificed everything they had, for us. And nothing that we can ever do, will ever “pay back” that sacrifice. I can hear now some saying how they did all these for their children and would never dream of asking anything back in return. Good, then that means you are always happy with their choices in their lives. You don’t expect them to take care of you when you get old. Right?

So you see, how the concept of sacrifice ultimately undermines the very relationship we have with the person we sacrificed everything for? And what does society say? Society says, that this is what a good parent should do. A good parent should sacrifice his/her life for his/her offsprings, right? So while society is giving you the “thumbs up”, you are feeling… miserable inside.

We never find true happiness because we are basing it on what society tells us what happiness is. We base our happiness on the acceptance of other people. “When he/she accepts me, I’ll be happy” – that’s a lie. “When she/he loves me, I’ll be happy” – that’s also a lie. Those are all things external, dependent on other people and we can not be happy because of what other people think of us. We might feel better for a while. We might feel the euphoric feeling, but those are all temporary.

At the end, you’re still by yourself, when you go to sleep. When you go to take a shower. When you commute to work.

When all the voices from the outside are muffled, we are left with our own inner feelings. And these feelings, do not get changed based on societal acceptance. Those are yours, and yours alone. How you feel. How you see your life. And that’s what really counts.

Often when this happens, when we are confronted by our own feelings and wants, we find ourselves lacking. So many things that we wanted to do, but never could, because “oh, what would they say about me if I did it?”. Always other people. Always what other people want and expect, but never what WE want and expect to have.

When we stop listening to ourselves, when we are afraid of doing something we like, because we don’t know how we would be accepted, there is a a double problem: 1, that you are basing your own happinness on what other people think, and not what you think and (2), we are putting ourselves down. We are limiting our own chances to be truly happy.

So I close with this question: How many things did you give up until today, things that you wanted to experience, that you wanted to do or learn, because of what other people might think of you?

Please take a couple of minutes from your hectic day, and just think about that. Think about the things you gave up just to be accepted. And once you were accepted, how long did this “happiness” really last, if at all?

The follow up question is this, and with it I close this post:

“Are you happy now?”

If yes, keep up the good job. But if not, I hope you now have realized, to some extent, one of the most important reasons as to why that is.

These are my words. My thoughts. My discoveries, based on my own experience. Feel free to use it, or discard it. It’s your choice. It is your power. But once you are determined to follow it, own up to it.

And live YOUR happy life. Not other people’s. YOURS.

Feel free to use any of my posts, as long as the original message remains intact. Please always link them back to this site, so whoever is interested is also able to read the entire post, for a better understanding.

Understanding Karmic Role In Reincarnation

I’ve been asked the following question many times:

“If reincarnation and its karmic relationship is true, then what does an animal have to do to go up a level?”

Many interesting stories revolving this have emerged, some of them quite funny, like in The Bucket List:

“What does a snail have to do? Leave a perfect trail of slime?” (of course I am paraphrasing, my memory is not nearly as good!)

Being a Buddhist, I have come to not only believe Karma and reincarnation as to be true, but I do so with the same conviction as I believe that this cup of coffee, sitting right besides me, exists. I am not here to promote any religion, rather, trusting this blog to be mainly a place where different concepts can be elaborated upon, will try to shed some light on this topic. For those who want to believe in this, but can not, due to this “wall”, I hope this post will come in handy in your own pursuit of beliefs.

For every action, there is a reaction. In karmic law, it is believed that every action will create karma. This karma can be good, or bad. There are some traditions which believe that karma is always bad – again, it really depends on who you talk to about this subject. I happen to believe that karma is nothing more than a cosmic response to your act – a consequence. This consequence, from my humble point of view, can either be positive or negative. It can influence you, or your loved one. It can happen within your lifetime, or span through several lifetimes. How karma takes place however, is something to talk about in another post (you may feel relieved now).

When studying the relationships between good deeds performed in order to ascend in the reincarnation realms, one must not think about what good deeds can be performed so that one’s existence can ascend to the next level. Rather, mainly in the lower realms (animal), we should think about one’s ability to accumulate negative karma.

As human beings, we are in the brink of Enlightenment. We are gifted with our mind, complete control over whether we will perform good deeds, or bad deeds. We can ascend to the highest level within one lifetime with proper cultivation – however, the opposite is also true: we can descend to the lowest level within a lifetime as well. It is ultimately up to us.

When looking at animals for instance, the ability to accumulate negative karma diminishes according to the level of mental sophistication each animal takes advantage of. Some animals have sophisticated means of communication and sense of community, while others still are not developed to such extent.

Each family of living beings therefore, have a different degree of evolution – chimps are supposed to be very close to humans in behavior, while snails are far from it. Does that mean each animal will eventually evolve into becoming close to humans? It is my opinion that this will not happen – each animal has a certain degree of evolution since they might represent milestones in karmic evolution.

Let’s illustrate this with an example:

Let’s say I take the quick way to accumulating a great number of negative karma. When I die, I would reincarnate as an animal, after I paid my dues at the Underworld Courts (for more information regarding these courts, I’d suggest reading “The Holy Book Of Yuli”). Now which animal I’d turn into, would depend on the amount of negative karma I’d have to dissipate in order to become a human again. I think that Karma would dissipate with time, provided that you are already in one of the lower realms of evolution.

The most important thing to understand at this point, is my ability of accumulating negative karma as I evolve through the many layers of the lower realm. As a bacteria, I have very little control, so we can say that my ability to accumulate negative karma is almost null. As I pass through many lifetimes (kalpas) as a bacteria, eventually my karma would diminish to the point where I could reincarnate in the next level.

In the next level, I would become something with a bit more control, so my ability to accumulate negative karma is also greater at this point. It is like transferring me to decreasing levels of security prisons, until I could become a free man.

So we can think about this evolution as each animal being a type of “prison”. However, in this karmic world, each prison also limits the amount of negative karma you are able to perform – this ensures that each being will always move forward, no matter how slowly. The natural progression is upward in this evolution.

That is, until I’d reach a certain evolution stage where I would be granted also the ability of producing good karma. As now I have the freedom to produce good karma, so do I have the ability to produce negative karma.

So the answer to the great question “What does a snail have to do to go up the ladder?” would be “the snail will always go up the ladder, for it is unable to produce negative karma that would take it to lower levels”. Or another answer would be “all the snail has to do is wait for its bad karma to be low enough to grant it access to evolve into another being in the next lifetime”.

I hope this helped answer a bit, your questions in regards to karma and how it connects to reincarnation.

Reiki 02 – The Discipline of Healing

As discussed in the Reiki – A Way Of Life – 01 opening post, Reiki is a healing art. It gives us the tools we need to be in control of our lives, as well as an effective way to help others, in many circunstances. In this post, I’d like to talk abot the discipline that should be involved in learning this art form.

Like many healing forms, Reiki requires full immersion of oneself as you are making your way up the attunements and learning new healing and channeling  techniques. What begins as a tool to make oneself feel better and more empowered in life ends as a full blown healing art which was created to promote healing in all realms of life and spirit. As Reiki practitioners we are placed in a position of trust by the patient – although we always make very clear that we are not agents of healing, our patients trust us to act as a bridge which will allow them to walk towards to path of healing. This is not a position to be taken lightly – it takes great trust in order to let someone help you in your deepest and most troubled areas in your life. Pain is usually a feeling that is hidden under many layers, created to prevent oneself to be seen as the weaker member of any society.

In order to acknowledge this position as well as with the commitment to do our best at all times, I have devised a couple of key mindsets in learning Reiki:

1. Reiki is not about you. It is never about you.

I believe this to be central in any Reiki treatment. When we are administering Reiki, it should never be done as a self affirmation tool. It is not about us, it is about the patient. We should refrain ourselves from taking credit for any healing, for any response or any insights the patient may come to during the treatment. This is actually very helpful for the Reiki practitioner – by taking ourselves out of the healing equation, we do not feel pressured in making an impression during the treatment. In other words, we are no longer under the obligation of making the patient feel the warmth and tingling sensations that are usually attributed to the Reiki energy. The patient holds 100% control over the course of the treatment – whether or not any response is felt, depends on how open the patient is, at a subconscious level, to the Reiki treatment and how he/she hopes to achieve healing.

So take yourself out of the equation – Reiki has never been about us. It has always about the person being treated, pure and simple.

2. Always Be Filled Up

Reiki energy is intelligent – much like osmosis, it will always flow to the place where energy is less concentrated, or where there is an “issue”. When a Reiki treatment is administered, it always comes from the Universe,  into the Reiki practitioner and then it makes it’s way to the patient. The flow is always the same, and it will always follow that path. Being the bridge, the practitioner is always placed in first place during the treatment. If you are not feeling well, or you are in need of Reiki, the energy from the Universe will come to you first, and any remainder will flow to the patient. Now this is not a bad thing – you are being healed as you are promoting healing itself. However, when we start a Reiki session, it is about the patient, and not about us. We should not rely on those treatments to also be part of the healing. We are the agents of the healing, and not the recipients, in any form. So make sure you are always beaming with the correct energy, always “filled up” with Reiki energy before you commit yourself to give treatment to others. We owe it to our patients to be the example, the living portrait of a life filled in abudence with such energy. So make you a priority – give yourself Reiki treatments daily, every night.

I hope these have been helpful to you. I also hope that, by reading this post, you see how important it is to correspond 100% to the trust we are given by our patients. Just learning and winging it as you go is not good enough. Just learning and not applying to yourself in order to put you in a true healers position is not good enough. Not understanding the amount of trust one gives you when you are offering them Reiki treatment is not good enough.

We must take it up on ourselves, to become responsible Reiki practiotioners. We must follow the Reiki principles ourselves and lead by example.

Reiki is a healing art. And once you start giving out treatments, you are held accountable to a certain standard. We must follow the directions given to us and live by this standard.

That is Reiki as a discipline. As an art form.

When practitioners adhere to such high standard, it is when Reiki at it’s fullest potential.

Reiki 01 – A Way Of Life

Your day just turned from bad to worse. Your finances are in trouble, your relationships are falling apart and anything that you attempt to get your out of this slump goes south and you are left with a sour taste in your mouth. A taste of disappointment, fear, rejection, frustration… and self-doubt.

If you have nodded a couple of times by reading the lines above, you are not alone. I’ll venture a guess and guarantee that everyone have or will experience the scenario listed above. It’s just natural – things won’t go the way we want them to go and we need to be able to cope with our own shortcomings. But sometimes, it’s not about us. Sometimes, we try our best but the way is just too steep, too slippery. Sometimes, we give it our best shot and still, things don’t go as planned.

 What if you were given tools that you could use in such negative circumstances? What if you were taught a secret that would make you feel better instantly and shape or change the circumstances beyond your control? What if you were taken full control of what happens to you? This is what I learned from Reiki, and is what I believe Reiki has to offer to anyone interested in learning this new skill.

I will not explain what Reiki is, for that are many much better places where great explanations are presented. If you do not know what it is, the best place to start is by going to your favorite search engine and just type ‘Reiki’. The most traditional explanation about Reiki is that it is about energy.

Reiki is about enabling any person to channel this energy into a healing process to oneself and/or to others. Reiki practitioners understand that the basic fabric of everything in the universe is energy. That means everything is comprised of energy: from your shoes to your own body, all is energy. A specific feeling or train of thought – are all different types of energy which influences our body and the circumstances around us. All is energy. So what Reiki does is focus in this basic fabric of life and the universe, and it influences this very basic energy in going the way we want it to go. Is Reiki therefore, energy manipulation? That is a common misunderstanding – to influence does not necessarily mean to manipulate. We, as Reiki practitioners, do not manipulate energy. We only offer a bridge, or a high speed tunnel, in which energy can more easily flow to where it’s needed. That’s all we do as Reiki practitioners. By having this understanding an the ability to channel this energy, or to be a high speed conduit for this energy, Reiki practitioners are able to affect energy in its natural flow: that means, Reiki practitioners can make a person plagued by illness to become healthier. They can make your angry mind calm down and settle in a fast manner, only by gently touching your shoulder, or sending energy to you from a distance. This is the power that is granted to anyone who understands and who is able to channel this basic frequency of energy.

Once I started to practice Reiki I started to feel that there’s this barrier between external emotions and myself. It is as if all the emotions that have an external nature would slow down or drown away in this space that was filled with water and would come into my own mind with decreased power. Therefore, it was easy to brush these negative feelings away. Before, as soon as someone implied that I was not doing my job I’d jump up and down – by practicing Reiki, it is as if I could see the negative words slow down in this “moat” of warm water surrounding me. It’s not like I can’t hear them or I suddenly do not feel anything – I do, but at a much smaller scale, as if all this warm water around me was acting as a barrier, making any negativity lose almost all of its strength to disturb my inner peace. When the day is not going well, I immediately apply Reiki on myself and on the situation. So far, ALL of the scenarios in which this has occurred have dissolved quickly or simply adjusted themselves into being non-threatening.

There are times things get so bad so quickly that I have little time to apply Reiki – sometimes bad things happen fast and when they do, they might come in triple dosage. I get frustrated, I get angry, I get stressed. However, after the event has passed, when I have time to refocus, I immediately re-apply Reiki on myself and I feel all the stress and self-doubt wash away from my core, leaving me a much more relaxed person. Maybe next time it won’t hit me. I have also learned how to send Reiki to future or past situations. So far, I have done it to two occasions that had not yet happened – I can say, with a great degree of satistaction and relief, that both occasions took place and were solved/fixed/passed in the easiest possible way. Nothing went wrong, and everything worked out!

I want to talk more about Reiki, the discipline that I believe must be involved – the degree in which you should practice and study it. I will discuss the many aspects of energy and how it flows between human being and between specific events in time. Please keep following these posts. Some of the things I’ve written here make little sense without further explanation, and I’m sure some of it just sounds far-fetched. Or in the “too good to be true” category. But the truth exists, whether you believe in it or not. Yes, there are many versions to the same truth, but these versions are not contradictory.

There are many, many things to be explained and some will make sense to you, some will not. These are different pieces of the puzzle that I have been able to put together, based on the facts of my own life – therefore, they are distorted to my own points of views and beliefs. You should not take this as the truth of it all, but you should read it, understand it, and discard it – if you are so inclined. Regardless of the outcome, I’m glad that I now have this chance to share a little bit more about this “world”.

We all learn so much in the material world – objects, different subjects, relationships… but there’s something even bigger, more complicated and much more important than what we are currently able to see. Or understand. I take this upon myself, to keep writing in this journal, the many things that I experience in my own journey into this already familiar world. Please feel free to post any questions you may have. I am not interested in comments about how you do not believe in this. I will not attempt to convince anyone about any of this. It is real to me, as real as the chair that you are sitting on right now. Would you bother explaining me that this chair is real if I told you that I did not believe in it? Such is my conviction about all of this. For me, it is as real as it will ever going to get. I look forward to writing the next posts and welcome your questions, insights and your own personal experiences concerning the subject of spirituality.